I'm Listening: Head vs Heart
by VioletBlak
Summary: This story is set somewhere between the chapters 14 and 20 of I'm Listening. This is just some side story and steam from a girl who still loves a certain mutant, even if she isn't all that happy about it.


I'm Listening: Head vs Heart

 **Disclaimer** : Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon and its creators. I make no monetary profit from this work it is only for entertainment.

 **Author's Note** : 2014/16 Movie-Verse - Rated M for a reason! This work contains sexual content, violence, and at times dark themes that will become more developed as the story continues- you have been warned. Also, I have messed with the timetable the story is set in current time, but the guys are in their mid twenties- so the events of the movie would have happened around 2004.

Note: This story is set somewhere between the chapters 14 and 20 of **I'm Listening.** This is just some side smut from a girl who still loves a certain mutant, even if she isn't all that happy about it.

 _I will let you hate me,_

 _If that's easier than loving me._

 _~Gemma Troy_

 **Head vs Heart**

Light played on the wall from the fireplace. They young woman sat on a couch with a laptop amid a nest of documents. Her expression was determined, but the circles under her eyes were hard to miss. Between emails she rolled her shoulder trying to loosen the tender muscle. She was struggling.

It wasn't the task. That was coming together nicely. The families were working together efficiently. Granted she was also paying some of them pretty handsomely for their services and many had been personally wronged by their enemy. The task was hard, but she had caught more breaks than she had anticipated. She should have been feeling proud. The thought brought a sigh to her lips.

She just felt tired. She wasn't sleeping well, so she worked until she fell into bed. The physical demands were testing her though. She suddenly felt very out of shape. Her eyes drifted to the ideas for the next mission, and she felt sore thinking about it. The armor protected her from being killed by the amount of gunfire she encountered, but when it was peeled off she was left aching and bruised.

Her fingers smoothed over the surface of the computer to close the lid. Legs stretched and joints popped as she stood for the first time in hours. Bare feet padded from the den to her bathroom. The water turned on with a sharp squeak, but steam soon filled the air. She scrubbed quickly and wandered towards her bed still toweling her long mane. Normally, she slept in pajamas that she laid out each morning. These days she usually crashed straight from the shower, and was lucky if her hair was dry when she did so.

The problem was after an hour or two. She would wake up drowsy, and looking to just roll over and resume her rest. But some old habit lingered. For months he had been her first thought when she woke up, and that had not changed. Now though when those old thoughts popped up in her barely-awake mind it took a while to catch up.

She would remember all of the good things. All of the things she loved. His smile, and how he seemed to melt when she was in his arms. He was so strong and so tall. His eyes were so gold. He was so clever and funny. The adorable snorts that came with his laughter.

Not to mention the other things… His full lips and surprisingly devious tongue. The way his muscles tensed under her touch. His gentle touch that could become possessive and lusty. Not to mention the fact that she got to have a view of his chiseled chest almost all the time. She had never been the kind of girl who ogled shirtless men before. Donnie was different though, and she had craved those differences.

The problems began when her mind would fully fire up, and she would remember what role that man played in her life now. He was not her Donnie. He thought she was a monster. To be truthful she was responsible for a great deal of violence and death. Monster wasn't an unjust title. In under a month she had taken serious steps toward her goal against the Foot clan and its allies. That meant cracking a lot of heads, and collecting a few too.

Killing didn't bother her as of yet. She lingered on how it might one day. For now, it was for a cause, but there was no disputing it. She was not "good guy". If Rexy was with the brothers, then he knew the truth now about what had really happened that day. It didn't change what he had done that night though. She could almost feel her pride weigh down on her shoulders.

She knew why she couldn't just run back to him. She knew why he couldn't be trusted again. Her mother had always operated on a single strike rule concerning the closeness of friends and family. If they turn on you once, never allow them to again. That didn't mean her mother turned her back to anyone who did in fact lose her trust. Kindness doesn't cost anything, and it didn't hurt anyone. You just never let them close again.

Rexy had been the one to push that rule. Rexy had always pushed her right to that line. Rexy had never threatened her though. Rexy had never sold out the family. She broke rules, and got involved with criminal enterprises. Which had lead to a large fight, and then a long silence between them. In all that time Rexy had never lied to her though.

Her father was the only one to break her mother's rule and return to her life. But not many men would fake their own death after working with the feds, get on a plane and show up on your doorstep if they didn't intend to make amends wholeheartedly. Her father "moved heaven and earth" to get her mother to become his wife.

Donnie was brilliant, but her mind was quick to remind her that she was now a criminal. She was a matriarch of a criminal family and network at that. Donnie was never going to "move heaven and earth" for someone like her. Maybe back when she was innocent, but not now.

It was a thought that hit her every night like a brick wall. There was nowhere to hide from it. All of her hopes and dreams with this one man had slipped through her fingers, and there was nothing she could do about it. The first few times it stole her breath, and she wept. Now, it just made her feel annoyed.

Annoyed because she knew what usually followed. Somehow those lost hopes and plans wormed their way into her dreams. She would fall asleep eventually, and when she did he would be waiting for her there.

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He always would still have that sweet smile and the touch of his fingertips was as gentle as she remembered. He had always been so gentle with her outside of that night. In her unconscious mind things did not need to be solved. He simply appeared. Sometimes he crawled through a window, and other nights he woke her mysteriously without any explanation to how he was there.

Always those golden eyes with the warmest hints of summer green greeted her with palatable earnestness. Donatello had always been so timid and shy to reveal his feelings, but once he felt safe with her there had never been any denying it. In her dreams he rarely spoke. His ever expressive features told her he was there to return to her. To mend them as he often found a way to repair everything in his life. She was powerless to welcome him.

His lips were reverent as they passed over her brow and cheek bones before stealing away her breath. She could feel the cool texture of his scales and the subtle warm beneath them. How she missed the sensation of his powerful muscle beneath her touch! Not to mention the low rumbling noises it brought from him. The feel of his teeth along her neck and lips finding a path down her body, pausing to worship at her breasts.

Her hands busied themselves removing his gear while she writhed under his attention. Her lover seemed all the more interested in savoring her, and continued his path searing down her body with laving kisses and tender bites. He reached the apex of her thighs with a nuzzle and his heavy breath drew over her most sensitive flesh. She bucked and whined, but he was all too pleased to draw out this line of pleasure. One of his large hands held her hips down and kept her still enough for him to enjoy.

His large mouth covered her folds entirely for a soft first kiss to her most sacred of places that soon deepened. His devious tongue set to drink her in while his lips kissed hungrily to ebb and flow with her writhing. His free hand smoothed up her thigh to hold her legs open to allow him his feast. His ability to kiss at her nerves and folds while his tongue plundered her left her rushing to her end, her lover all too eager to hurl her over the edge.

When she tumbled over he drank her in. He nuzzled at her inner thighs as she came down from her high before returning to her. He loomed over her allowing her fingertips to trace at his broad shoulders before kissing her palms. He would look at her again and open his mouth to speak. The pureness to his expression made her feel breathless…

This was however, when reality would hurl her back into place. She would often wake breathless and gasping. It would take a few moment for her to feel certain that it was in fact a dream. Her fingers would grasp at the empty sheets, and shame would fill her heart. How could she still lust after him? How could she still love him so much that even in her dreams she held her breath in hope that he would say that he loved her again?

It was foolish. She was a monster. That was now something she had to find a way to wear with pride. To make herself the terrible nightmare for her enemy. For now her nightmares were just whispers of what love could have been her own.

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Author's note-

So, first thank you so much to EVERYONE for reading! You are all wonderful!

I have been away for a while mostly due to working overtime and then due to some rather serious illness that kept me in and out of hospitals. I am feeling more myself now, and taking some much needed time off, and getting back to something that I love.

This has now been put through its paces by my darling Dragon!

Reviews are incredibly important to me because they are my only real way to gauge the audience. I welcome all feedback, so please let me know how I did! Thank you so much for reading!

Love,

Violet Blak


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